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@GasStationJack

[stations]

Hey, so
Remember how you told me to tell you if I wrote any blog posts?
Well, I put one up here if you still wanna read them.

[retisense]

damn man, you're a really good writer
I could practically see that and it was also entertaining
I think I know the guy you're talking about too, really attractive gollum is like the perfect description

[stations]

Thank you, I appreciate that. That's super nice.
I'm not sure whether or not it offended him, we kind of derailed into talking about the difference between Cat and Sexy Cat Halloween costumes.

[retisense]

no problem, I'm just telling the truth

I mean that's valid
personally I think the difference is all in the delivery

[stations]

That's what I said! Gollum's basically naked and Hot Gollum wears suits, so it's really about presentation, maybe? Or... posture? Dental hygiene? Not talking about yourself in third person?

Man, I wish I knew his secret.

[retisense]

now I'm picturing Regular Gollum in a suit and it's not a pretty picture
and hey, none of that now
you're a perfectly handsome dude

[stations]

Now I'm just imagining him at a job interview. Maybe at like a Kay Jewelers...

Ha, thanks.

( He's taking that in a grandma pinching your cheeks what a handsome young man kind of way. He owns a mirror. )

[retisense]

oh my god, Regular Gollum couldn't sell me jewelry even if I really liked it
terrifying

seriously, though, if I wasn't gay I'd have a huge crush on you

[stations]

Aw, that's incredibly flattering, actually.
Also, terrifying. I have legitimately no idea how to handle that kind of thing, I would 100% make it awkward faster than the speed of light.

[retisense]

see, that's like half your charm. some people really like the awkwardness thing, it can be really cute

[stations]

This is starting to feel like a Michael Cera, Andrew Garfield, Jessie Eisenberg type thing. Honestly, can't really say I'm a fan of the concept.

[retisense]

you're cuter than those guys, but okay
how come?

[stations]

They always wind up playing the same character. It's some socially awkward 'Nice Guy' chasing a manic pixie dream girl while the director self-inserts their old high school insecurities by making them somehow one-up jocks or 'popular kids' that were actually probably not that bad, it just seemed that way at the time because they were jealous assholes and they needed to assign flaws to the people they perceive as better than them in order to gently fondle their own self-esteem. And then they try way too hard to be Smart and make witty jokes without ever actually laughing at them, and all they listen to is obscure indy bands. It's like this weird pandering hashtag relatable 'nerds being cool is a fashion starement' genre.


For the record I didn't know I had strong opinions about this until I was about half way through typing that. I think I might be being a hipster about hipster actors in hipster movies. Like some kind of Ultra Hipster.

Damn it.

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

[retisense]

shit, I don't know if we can be friends anymore

seriously though, you're right
thing is, the whole nerds are cool thing is true just not the way the movies make it look
and I doubt you'd treat any girl you were after like she was a manic pixie dream girl, and preferably that girl would already think nerds were cool and awkwardness was cute and be impressed by your sense of humor and writing skills
totally different ball game

[stations]

This hypothetical alternate universe sounds pretty nice. Until that pans out, though, I think I'll just keep compiling my list of cat names and avoiding upbeat folk music.

[retisense]

wait stop the presses
are you getting a cat?

[stations]

not yet, it's more like planning for my inevitable retirement as a cat lady

[retisense]

fuck retirement
we should just do it
get a cat
joint custody
you can name it because I don't have a cat name list just yet
(I should though, I'm never gonna have a girlfriend)
and we can just pass it back and forth whenever it gets annoying

[stations]

co-parenting DOES make it a more tempting offer.
I don't know, though. If you want the honest truth, the mortality rate around me is so high it would probably be irresponsible bordering on criminal. The last thing I sort-of almost took as a pet got immediately eaten by a raccoon.

If we get a cat and I get immediately attached to it (pretty much guaranteed) and then it dies, that'll pretty much write off the rest of my desire to live on this planet anymore.

ACTIONY, near the end of December/beginning of Jan. THE "MOVING OUT" ANNOUNCEMENT

[conning]

Neal is, shockingly, cooking. It is, shockingly, tofu. He's been leveling up his vegan and vegetarian skills ever since finding out about Abby's history, and he's starting to actually be satisfied with some of what he makes.

He's also got a very nice cut of swordfish thawing in the fridge. That isn't going to be cooked, just cut in half, one part being left on the terrace and the other inside, in the hope that Thackery will make himself known at least in passing.

He's in pajamas, though even those are tastefully chosen and well-fitted. Neal doesn't do casual, not really, not for a long time. Image is everything.

[retisense]

As usual, Abby has been spending most of her time hanging out in her room with the gremlin, getting him used to life with her, playing with him to keep him occupied and all that. But she'd gotten a notice just the day before that she's expected to move out for keeping a pet, unless she wants to get rid of said pet.

And she's not going to be getting rid of Macaroni anytime soon. As far as she's concerned, he's going home with her whenever they get home.

So she's got a place arranged, staying with Jeff at least for now, and the only thing left is to break the news to Neal. Which sucks, because she likes Neal a lot, likes living with him. He's basically the perfect roommate, and a good guy to boot.

She heads out of the bedroom wearing her usual midday uniform of an oversized T-shirt with some cutesy slogan on it and a pair of loose shorts, barefoot and with her hair loose, at the smell of food cooking.

"Oh man, that smells good."

[conning]

"Hey." Neal flashes her a smile when she emerges, glancing past her to see if Macaroni is following. Yes, the indoor half of the swordfish is for him. Or at least half of it is, though Neal has no earthly idea how he'll keep Mac from eating the whole thing if he leaves it all out.

"Mixing things up a little. I figured out a vegan Bahn Mi recipe that's not bad. Vegan meatballs with sriracha aioli, pickled daikon, pickled carrots, jalapeno and cilantro."

He glances her way again. "You're not one of those people who can't stand the taste of cilantro, are you? I haven't tossed it in yet. Figured I should check first."

ABBY'S MOVING DAY

[conning]

Neal withdraws after Abby tells him what she has to do. He understands, he cracks a joke about it being her funeral deciding to room with Jeff, he teases her about the living habits of twenty-year-old boys. He puts on layer after layer of good humor to barricade himself off both from his own feelings and any guilt or suspicion that she might have that he's not as supportive as he's acting.

He also spoils the gremlin rotten, or tries to, ostensibly to make the little demon spawn insufferable when Abby moves out.

Which she is doing.

Today.

[retisense]

Abby's been packing all day, but it's not like she has a lot of stuff collected just yet, or much space to put them in at her new place. Most of it is the cat's stuff, honestly, all the things she'd gone shopping for with Jack. The crate, bed, food dishes, the grooming supplies and all his little sweaters with funny jokes on them.

Neal's been a little weird since she told him she got kicked out of housing. Not obviously upset or anything, not mad at her or passive aggressive or anything. Just...really full of good humour, joking with her and teasing and the distance he's putting is pretty obvious. Which sucks, but she can't blame him.

"God, I think I've got the cat packed up, now it's time for my stuff."

[conning]

He sticks his hands in his pockets for a moment, looking around the room. "I'm thinking two taxi trips? Or rather, two taxis, you taking half the stuff and me taking the other half. That should be plenty of space all together."

His tone hasn't changed from earlier in the day, but there's an uncomfortable hurt he's been more and more forcefully ignoring since they started this process that morning.